A few months ago I changed the tagline of my blog to “Changing the Way We Think About Singleness.”
Though I’ve been writing for several years now, I never quite knew what I wanted my message to be. Then I noticed a theme. My writing had become an extension of my own personal journey with singleness, and there was one aspect that evolved most throughout the story:
The way that I thought about singleness.
You see, early on in my journey with singleness, I drew conclusions based on what I thought I saw around me. Those conclusions became repetitive thoughts, that eventually became beliefs:
Everyone I looked up to got married young and because I didn’t, I’m a failure
No one has chosen me, so I am unloved
Everyone around me got married before I did, so I must be behind
I’m uncomfortable doing things alone, so I need to put everything on hold until I’m married
My life didn’t go as I had planned, so God must not care
These false narratives became my mantra.
Words that I lived by. Words like “I can’t”, “Unloved”, “Wrong”, “Behind” flashed in my head. Those misguided beliefs drove my actions. I put my life on hold. I gave up on dreams. I let my confidence slip, and desperation took its place. Those beliefs began to run my life because, as I’d eventually come to find, words matter. The message that repeats in our heads eventually plays out in the real world.
But those messages weren’t true.
In my pain and disappointment I chose to see the world through that lens. But ultimately, I would learn to flip the script, and realize the truth:
My path is different, and that’s ok
I do not need a spouse to feel loved. I already am
There is no set timeline for life, and later doesn’t equal never
Uncomfortable doesn’t mean incapable
God’s plans don’t always fit mine BECAUSE he cares.
Those are the beliefs that now drive my actions, and they’ve changed everything.
So today, I encourage us to take stock of the untruths that we’ve allowed to make themselves at home in our minds, and kick them out the door because the words we believe are what we become.
So let’s make sure they’re good ones. ♥️
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