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“I will literally take ANYONE”
That’s what I say whenever I get tired of waiting for “the one”. Just give me a warm body. If he can walk and talk and has a job, I’m in. Just give me SOMEONE.
Some days I’m just fed. up. with waiting. Why? Well, sometimes it’s “If someone could just help me pick up the slack…” kind of stuff. Like…
– I don’t want to sound like a gold digger here, but, another income would be fab…
– If someone could just make dinner every now and then, that’d be great…
– Oh my GOSH could someone else just help me make financial decisions so I don’t have only myself to blame for what happens?
– This trash has been piling up for a couple of days (weeks) now…can someone take this out please?
And others, it’s “Stereotypically, if I had a man around, he’d know how to do this” kind of stuff. Like…
– I need a new cell phone. A man would know what to buy.
– My computer is broken. Where’s a man when you need him…
– I’m 30 years old and still haven’t learned to put air in my tires. Can’t I just find a man already so I don’t have to learn?
– What. do these tax forms. MEAN?
And some days it’s totally legitimate “I miss being in a relationship” kind of stuff. Like…
– If I have to look at one more happy couple, “aren’t we cute”, Instagram post, I’m going. to. lose. it.
– I just want someone to travel and share activities with
– I’m tired of being lonely on a Friday night
– I want to come home to someone (other than my cat)
(all sappy. But all true)
But while I know so many of those reasons for wanting someone aren’t guarantees in marriage…not all men can fix a computer, I may very well be better at finances than a lot of the male species, and for all I know I’ll marry someone who doesn’t even know how to make toast…some days I’m so focused on what I’m lacking, that I feel like I’d take anyone to fill the void. And I know so many others who feel the same way.
We just don’t want to wait anymore.
We’re tired of looking for someone who challenges us to be better, loves us for exactly who we are, treats us with kindness and respect, supports our hopes and dreams, and wants the same things in life that we do. That all sounds well and good, but finding it is more difficult than we anticipate. So we tell ourselves “maybe men like that don’t even exist,” and we begin to consider if we should settle for less. For a life where we are legally, and before-God linked to another human being just to try to fill a longing, or maybe even just to have someone to pick up the slack.
But though there are times it may feel that way, when I want to go out and snatch up any Joe Shmo that I can stand to look at off the street, I know that I won’t.
Because the rest of my life is too important to settle, and so is yours.
The person that we marry will become our partner. FOR LIFE. We’ll go to sleep, and wake up next to them. They will see us at our best, and our most vulnerable. All of our decisions will be made with them. All of the decisions that we make by ourselves now, will have to be made in cooperation with someone else. Someone that we have to be able to trust. Who listens to us and cares about our opinions. Because what we do and say, the decisions we make, the actions we take, will no longer just affect our individual lives.
Our life will be connected to theirs.
So no. I hope that none of us will choose to share this life with just anyone.
And I know that on those days that we can’t take the wait anymore, we could all probably walk out on the street and guaranteed find some human being with XY chromosomes who we could convince to date us. We could go on-line and scroll and swipe for hours, and guaranteed find a “good-enough” option who can fix a computer and take out the trash just fine.
But “good enough” isn’t enough.
It might relieve the longing for a fleeting moment, but when it’s gone? We’re left with less than we deserve, for far longer than the time we’ve spent waiting.
So on the days when the wait feels too long, and that any body will do, I hope that you’ll remind yourself, just as I have to…
The rest of my life is worth the wait.
And there’s no chance that I’m settling.
* To read more on not settling and waiting for “the one”, check out “Don’t Get Married Unless You Have To”